One of Two (2 and only 2) Points of Entry
The glass shatters
(not useful)
The hole in the window is my size and I could step through it
(useful)
For what?
(finding use…)
Hypothetically I could
(hypothetically useful, just as good)
Where is it broken beyond repair?
When it is poetic and no longer useful (mutually exclusive)?
Are you a “good morning” person?
Good exists to me, and bad exists outside of me, and I have to do everything in my power to pull good in and to keep bad out otherwise I’ve failed and I’m worthless and it is actually all my fault everything bad that ever happened to everybody and that will ever happen to anybody and
Are you a morning person?
I am human and already I am flawed. I was born and it was my fault (not really but) and since it was my fault I have to pay for it. I have to pay for (NOT metaphorical) I have to pay for it.
I’m stripped naked and I still have an interminable amount of layers on because I can only be one thing and to only be one thing I cannot be anything else but anything else does not cease to exist when you try and be only one thing, and the one thing stays at the top and the everything else keeps you from every really being naked
Do you want to be indecent?
In the winter it's nice to stay warm like that
Are you a morning person?
In the summer its itchy and sweaty and gross kind of because my humanity seeps through the layers and reaches the outside and stains the area under my armpit god forbid
And he does! And that's all he ever does really is forbid
Another man in my life forbidding
You cannot be a morning person.
At the center, me, glass shards in my feet (not useful, or even more than not useful, useless, and even more than useless, detrimental) and soon enough cuts in my sides when I step through the (useful) hole of the window.
Looking through the window into my house this morning, I shattered it trying to push my way in. It's not a door, I shouldn't use it as a door but the door was locked and the key was somewhere (not important, not useful to the story) and I needed to get in somehow and the window looked pushable.
Are you a pushy person?
It's bad to break a window. It's bad to forget my keys. It's bad to break a window even if it's to go get my keys that are inside (now it's useful to the story).
I push it. It shatters. It shatters and it stays in one piece that is also a whole lot of other pieces. I shatter, I am one piece I am also a whole lot of other pieces
Are you a good person?
I just want to be One Thing and right now that thing is being me inside my house.
Are you a useful person?
A shattered window isn’t useful. It's broken and it cannot be stepped through.
Being useful.
Being useful to gods will
Being useful to the church
Being useful to serve the church
Give the church money
Be useful to society
Make money
Make money
Make money for the church
Make money for god
Capitalism is good for the church
Tit for tat
This for that
Punishment if you do something
Now you're forgiven
It comes back to you
I push the window more and it breaks now. There is a hole. It's bad that the window is broken, it's wrong, but it's useful, it's a door now. I wish I didn’t have to break it.
Do you want to be a good person? A good person doesn’t wish, a good person doesn’t shatter a window.
I wish (on my deathbed, hand of my dearest darling wife in mine, my two beautiful blonde biological children on the other side of me (how did that happen) and my life-long loyal dog who will never never ever die so help me God) I wish I could have loved you. How can I love something I don’t know? I feel abandoned, as your child, as your dying child, as your child who strayed who tried his very hardest to do his very best following your doctrines who tried his very best to be good and do right and enter where he should and exit where he might not disturb anybody else without ever really reading your doctrines because he believes those who follow your doctrines because everything you ever said and wrote and talked about is seeped seeped seeped so deep inside me and I want it OUT I didn’t say it could be in there I didn’t say I wanted to believe (I did just now, but consent is revocable as of 2015, and before that it wasn’t and after that it's a joke and it's nuanced in a way religion could never and should never be of course, of course so help me god)
But he cannot help me. I already broke the window. I ruined it, it's worthless now. I am inside and I find my key and now the window is useless because I can open my door again. I don’t need one door and one broken-window-door.
A good person doesn’t want to break a window.
I broke the window because I wanted to get in so who should I apologize to for it? It's my window, it's my problem, I got punished because my arm is bleeding and I’ll have to pay for my window to be repaired. Am I net zero now? Is the window now inconsequential? Not as an opposite to being valuable, but as an object existing outside of that.
Are you a morning person?
I look at the shattered glass sitting below the broken glass of the (not useful) second door, I can’t hold it in my hand and find it beautiful because its broken and it can break into my skin, but if it broke into my skin it would stop being broken (useless) and it would become useful again because it hurts me and I deserve to be hurt because I broke the window
I want to be an object existing outside of that.